He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
