My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Did I show you my penis last night?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
