We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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