So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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