Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just saw a hot homeless man
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
