I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
