Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
