Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize