Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
