They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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