the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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