I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
