Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
