It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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