I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
