fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
