1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
