Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
