Will you blow on my dice?
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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