dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
