I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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