I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
you will always have a special place in my vag
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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