Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
so that wasnt chicken after all
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
