i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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