lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
