in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
