I will die if light touches me.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
