The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
