there was a trapeze. enough said
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
