I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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