Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
