happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
