she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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