get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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