I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
