I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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