hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
