I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
