I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
