is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
