textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize