You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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