Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
