You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You are a genius and a whore.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
