i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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