i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
