That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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