Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
