Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
