Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
