No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
