"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
