I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
