Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
