There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
well you can't waste a boner
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
