apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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