bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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