Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Randomize
