I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
