just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
