turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Randomize
