john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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