She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
