One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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