I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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