so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
