and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
