He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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