And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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