At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
