God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
