So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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