I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
